Blades of Freakin Brim

This game… Why did I ever start playing this game? When it comes to phone games, I am one of those types of people that will download something, play it for maybe an hour, and then most likely delete it. There are very few games that have survived the test of time on my phone (I will never delete Remixed Pixel Dungeon). This one has because I invited the wife to play it against me for some fun, friendly competition. I wanna say this: “DON’T DO THAT!!” While I love playing games with/against my wife, this game will probably lead to the downfall of our marriage.

The game is simple enough to start out with. It’s basically an endless runner with combat, and item collection qualities. This makes sense, because the company that made this also made Subway Surfers.

Subway Surfers

Fun time waster type game… You run, you collect coins, kill a small, but ever expanding variety of bad guys by swiping left, right, up, or down, get chests, complete quests, etc… You continue to deck out your avatar and get pets. If you mess up, you have an option to use their in-game currency (I believe it’s now mandatory to have this in almost every game) to resurrect yourself. This costs more each time you do it.

My character.png

I invited my wife to play it and after a startlingly short amount of time, she surpassed my score for the first time. Hey! Competition! Awesome! Were my thoughts. I picked the game back up (having no one to play against made it come very close to being deleted) and proceeded to beat her by a little bit more. I figured that she would beat me by a little more and we would go back and forth like that for a while. Unfortunately, Nintendatron, the cartridge-winged angel of gaming and virginity paid the wife a visit and she DESTROYED my score. I did manage to beat it after a while (barely), but at the cost of a ridiculous amount of orbs and more continues than my ego will allow me to divulge. I messaged her that she may no longer sit on her gaming superiority throne, for she has been vanquished (yes, I do speak like that at home and yes, she married me on purpose)! Fifteen minutes later she messaged back “not anymore”. At least I got to feel better about myself for a little while. Currently, I am attempting to compile enough orbs to make Pac-Man nervously twitch while also trying to compile a divorce case that states that she caused severe mental anguish through mobile gaming (my lawyer  keeps insisting that’s not a thing).

Why don’t you just say “I don’t want to play anymore. You win this game.” you ask? Because men like me (no, not just the short, odd ones) can’t just let it rest! I will not be emasculated by a casual game. So I will continue to try to beat her and figure out who gets the dog.




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